A Choice to Change
Candace Loomis
From the moment I got the “insulin resistant” diagnosis from my doctor, I knew that I had to make a choice.
When faced with a choice, I think most of us decide among the (a) Do Nothing Plan, (b) “Trying Something New” Plan or (c) Make a Change Plan. Plan (a), in my mind, is the equivalent of covering my ears, closing my eyes and saying “La la la la la, I do not hear you saying that my blood pressure is high, my cholesterol is high, my joints are disintegrating, my back is overstressed because of the size and weakness of my abdomen, la la la la.” Plans (b) and (c) are usually better options, but be aware of the subtle yet important difference between (a) trying something new and (b) changing.
Trying something new is comfortable. I’ve done something like it, but maybe if I tweak it a bit, it will work this time. Making a change requires a certain amount of bravery, at least a little brutal honesty, a strong willingness to face the unknown and at least a spark of accepting that things may not work out as planned.
For me, and for years, “try something new” meant a new diet, a new gym and a new self-help book. I tried self-acceptance. I tried medication. I tried just thinking really hard about thinner thighs in hopes that in the morning, my brain and body would finally just do what I said. Then came the diagnosis, the constantly aching joints, the relentless acid reflux, being out of breath after 10 stairs, the slowly but surely removing myself from life outside the basics of work and my house, and so on and so on.
I’d like to say, for the sake of those out there faced with the same choice, where choosing change might lead to WLS, that the answer was obvious. That once you reach a certain point, and read that statistic that says that only 2% of people with more than 50 pounds to lose keep it off for more than a couple of years, you’ll “just know”. (After reading that statistic, I did think to myself, “Really, how likely am I to be in that 2%, given my life-long history of obesity?”) For me, it wasn’t all that obvious, though. So, I did what I do and I researched. I read about RNY, I read about lap band, I read about the DS. I read about Brazil and Spain and different surgeons. I read about different techniques and results and failures and complications and recovery and insurance issues and still, with all of the scary possibilities, I chose to make a change.
Funny thing about choosing change is that your life can open up. If you give it a chance, you might value yourself more and trust yourself to make the right choices, and maybe you make more choices to change.
A year after my surgery, I was around100 pounds lighter. I ended an unhappy and emotionally abusive relationship, sold my house and my business and started therapy. I committed to making myself healthy inside and out. I exercised. I was thoughtful about my own happiness. I went back to school for a second degree and am now an RN. Very little about my life now resembles what it was on April 22, 2003 and I wouldn’t have it any other way.