Its Not Just About Billy
Jacquelyn K. Smiertka, RN
A friend of my oldest son has had a problem with alcohol too many years of his life. Finally the first part of August, Billy ended up in the emergency room with what the doctors called ‘alcoholic poisoning’. Billy was restrained in his bed, fed intravenous solutions of vitamins and minerals and given a variety of drugs to help prevent him from having another seizure. He was pretty much in a coma as the detoxification process began. I went to see Billy daily as I was the closest person he could call ‘mom’. My heart ached for him but all along I knew this was going to happen and in my heart was glad that it did. He was lucky he didn’t die and perhaps his ‘luck’ would stay with him to help him realize he had to stop drinking to be able to live a long life. He would need long term help to move past his addiction to alcohol. Would he be able to do it? Time would tell.
When Billy was discharged he didn’t have a home to go to. His former residence was not a safe place so my husband and I decided to let Billy stay with us until he could recover and get back on his feet. Over the few weeks I watched as Billy struggled to become stable. He had tried to quit drinking so many times only to go back to alcohol because he felt it was the only way he could cope with his problems. The question would be if he would remember anything about the incident that got him into the hospital in the first place. He did realize his next step to recovery was to attend Alcoholics Anonymous on a regular basis. He needed peer support.
My husband talked to Billy daily and so did I. My husband’s goal was to help empower Billy to get back on his feet. I wanted to know about his past and somehow try and figure out why he put himself on a self-destructing trip. What was his childhood like, how did he handle his parents divorce and why did he feel he needed to drown his problems with alcohol?
His parents divorced when he was a young boy. His father stayed on the east coast while he, his mother and sister moved to California. They lived in a tent for two years. His mother had a job and when she was injured Billy had to quit the tenth grade to find work to help support the family. To summarize what I could see about Billy’s past was that he had always had a very low self esteem and had a tendency to surround himself with friends who took advantage of him. He could not make a decision on his own, he was neat and clean but he had to be told what to do. Was this because of what the disease of alcohol had done to him, to his brain?
Billy and I went for bike rides most evenings. We talked about choosing your friends wisely, about getting help at Alcoholics Anonymous and most of all about the disease of alcohol in general. It is a disease I told him and one he would have to live with all of his life not unlike the disease of obesity. I reinforced to him that everyone had problems causing some to turn to food, some to alcohol, and some to controlled substances to numb their aches and pains of life. Alcohol was Billy’s choice and it could still very well be a deadly choice for him in the long run.
In the August issue of Oprah Magazine, Oprah began her article by saying, “You show me somebody who doesn’t have a care in the world and I’ll show you somebody who probably doesn’t have a pulse.” The article was regarding the major sources of anxiety from terrorism to global warming, wrinkles and weight gain. How nice it would be if there were easy answers to difficulties in our lives but many times there is never a quick fix. We can call on family and friends, ministers and therapists but finding the inner strength we need to resolve hurtful issues often can lead to us trying the band aids of food, alcohol, drugs or other addictive substances to help mask our pain.
For every conversation I had with Billy I realized that it wasn’t just about Billy. I was talking to Billy as I have talked to so many patients over the years who have tried to fix their lives and their hurt by using a ‘thing’ to help them through their problems. Usually that ‘thing’ created a downward spiral into more problems and unfortunately some disappeared. Some were able to be guided to proper counseling and were also able to come back to support group for ongoing assistance. What is the emotional survival rate of someone who has an addictive behavior? Does anyone really know?
Billy did leave us and went back to California. He seemed to disappear, not saying goodbye and letting us know what he would be doing. I was sad to know that Billy was never really able to get the assistance he needed here to help him through the years of pain that will be with him for the rest of his life. Maybe he will find the help he needs in California. I hope he will have the inner strength to look for guidance that would help resolve his past issues. Perhaps the sad and almost deadly hospitalization will be a constant reminder that alcohol will always be his nemesis. What I do know is that Billy will always need the support group of Alcoholics Anonymous to help him survive his emotional traumas and help him stay alive
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“You can’t fix everyone,” my husband tells me over and over again when I worry about those who seem lost. Yes I know I cannot fix everyone but I will at least make an attempt at helping those in need if I am able. I do try and choose my worries wisely because I am very aware they can easily overshadow the good things in life.
I would like the patients who are in our care to know the importance of support group and that regular attendance will help make the walk through the recovery of obesity a little easier. I am concerned about the emotional and physical recovery of each of our patients and know that providing support is what I can do to help. For those who feel lost and turning to a ‘thing’ or ‘things’ to mask their pain there is help out there. A support group or professional or both are available - it takes making that first step. It is not a matter of just thinking about getting help like Billy did for so many years of his life that almost cost him his life, it is about wanting to find help and realizing life has value. It is about choosing friends and worries wisely.